he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
