Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
