swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
