Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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