I skipped work to stalk him.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
