we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
