Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
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