Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Oh god it's open bar.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
