I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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