everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
