Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
