"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
