There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We left the knife in your bed.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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