Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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