don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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