I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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