So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
