I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
