I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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