I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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