put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize