if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
