Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
