Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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