i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
