i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I smell like Dick and happiness
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
