sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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