They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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