I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
