yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize