I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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