These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
