Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
