My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
