all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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