Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize