i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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