Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
