im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
