In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I understand Curling. That high.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
