I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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