Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
PANTIES FOUND
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