when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
