We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize