Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
