i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
