I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
