areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
