You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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