this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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