My Higher Power is John Stamos
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize