based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
