We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
