plz talk dirty to me
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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