I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
