Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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