I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
