Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
