I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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