Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I got chris browned last night
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
