I wanna bring you to show and tell
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
