I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
