does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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