Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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