She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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