god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
