you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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