Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
