My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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