you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
